There's a boy in my oldest boy's kindergarten class who has a hard time staying still and has a VERY hard time understanding, "No." He does fine at school now because he's realized there are rules there that have to be followed or there will be consequences. The same is not so for his home life. His grandpa is the one that takes care of him and he takes care of him as most grandparents would. There was an incident about three weeks ago after school. The parents were all on the playground, letting the kids have some free play before we went home. This boy wanted to play a game that involved hitting with my boy and mine didn't want to play. Mine said no and he hit mine to try and egg him into it. Mine said no again and he hit again. This escalated to where mine really wanted to hit in anger which he doesn't dare to do but he was fighting his angry tears. I stepped in and told the boy that mine didn't want to play. He reached around me and hit mine again. His grandfather did nothing. I immediately took my boy home and it escalated after I left. After this incident the head of the department got involved and they've been working with this boy and his grandfather to make changes. That's good, but the kids know it and they are quick to help the teachers know when this boy needs correction.
Today on the playground when it was almost time to go home I noticed my boy was talking to the boy's grandfather. "He hit (one of his classmates) and he lied about it. He's a liar. He always does this..." and on and on and on. I called my boy over only to watch the grandfather walk out in anger and calling for his grandson to come with him. I asked my boy what happened and apparently he had been washing his feet when some incident had happened and the boy was angry so told my boy to take care of it for him which he promptly did. He did not see anything that happened and yet was very willing to give witness to lying and violence.
I told him how my husband had made a mistake at work and was punished for it. That was right, but afterwards he was bullied by his co-workers. Any detail that was out of place was noted and reported. These were things all people did and were not a big enough thing to report for anyone else. It didn't matter how careful he was, they still managed to find something to report him for each day. We were scared he'd lose his job. I told him this is what he and his classmates are doing to this boy. This had him almost in tears. I gave him three rules:
1. He could not take care of things for his friends because they are afraid to do it themselves. He can go with them, but they have to do it themselves.
2. This boy has to commit the same "crime" three times before it could be reported to an adult and each of those three incidents must be accompanied with a, "Please don't do that. I don't like it." or something similar.
3. He could not report anything to any adult other than the teacher or mom. Those adults will talk to other adults if they need to.
He agreed but I didn't know if it sunk in. He looked really sad.. I prayed about it, asking for wisdom to know how to teach him to help this boy and not bully him. I then got a call from my husband and told him what had happened. He said, "Did you praise him?"
"For what?!"
He replied, "He wants justice to happen for those who are picked on. That's good. His methods and ability to see who is being picked on is not completely mature, but he has the right idea."
I went to my boy and praised him for his desire and told him if he'd use the rules I gave him he'd help people get what they really need. He smiled and gave me a thumbs up.
We'll see how things go tomorrow. I think I will ask the teacher to help me keep an eye on his helping others do or say what they are scared to do for themselves. I think I may have to take him off the playground after school for a couple days to let the grandfather cool down.
But that's not the point of this post. My point is that my husband gave me a perspective that I couldn't have seen without him. It was an answer to my prayers. I need him to help me raise these kids and I'm so grateful for him.
